I, like many of you, watched the two-part “Iyanla, Fix My Life” which featured Evelyn Lozada, the infamous reality tv personality and soon to be ex-wife of Chad Johnson. As I shared my thoughts on both episodes with a good friend of mine, she told me that many of the comments she’s been reading about the show on blogs have been negative and highly critical of Evelyn. In a way, I expected that. But here’s the way that I see it…
The “Iyanla, Fix My Life” on Evelyn was about Evelyn, but it was FOR the viewers. It was for us to have an opportunity to perhaps recognize something in ourselves or to hopefully facilitate an “aha” experience that might allow us to begin the work that could lead to our own healing. It was not done with the intention to simply interview Evelyn about her marriage or to get her perspective on the drama that is currently going on in her life, but it seems that a lot of us won’t or can’t see that. Many of us took it as another opportunity to judge her and to feel superior in that comparison. We completely ignored the point-there is no doubt something in our own lives that isn’t working and needs “fixing”, and through our observation of Evelyn, we might be able to recognize it. Evelyn may fight or hide her insecurities behind designer clothes and shoes, or relationships with professional athletes, but what do we do? How do our fears and insecurities show up in our lives?
We like to dice it all up into little categories in order to justify or make “right” or “better” our own position, but fear is fear. Insecurity is insecurity. And what we often fail to see is the limitation in the perspective of “right” or “better.” At the end of the day, we’ve ALL got mess, but why should we be invested in making somebody else’s mess messier than ours? What purpose does that serve? We don’t need for Evelyn to stay “wrong” so that we can continue to be “right.”
Of course we could argue our right to have an opinion about Evelyn; and on the face of it all, that might just be true. But sadly, too many of us entirely missed the purpose/intention behind the show. It wasn’t for us to scrutinize and then judge her sincerity or to determine whether or not she is, has, or ever will get her lesson. It wasn’t intended for us to conclude whether or not she has gotten what we feel she deserves. It was presented as an opportunity for us all to learn and grow and possibly begin to heal our own life’s wounds. And with this as an intention, perhaps we should all root for Evelyn to win. Because if she can win, then so can we.
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