This week, I give tips to a woman who caught her boyfriend out – on a date! Really.
Dear Tia,
This guy that I’ve been dating for seven months— but he and I have been friends for two years before we started dating— recently cheated on me with his neighbor. I caught them at a bus stop coming from the movie theater. He told me (in front of her) that he didn’t want any of us to find out this way and as she was talking to him, he told her that she and he wasn’t supposed to happen. He told me to give him some time to fix the problem and hopefully things could go back to the way they were. He said he is sorry for hurting me and that if he could turn back the hands of time he would. He said that he regrets meeting her, but feelings got involved so it’s hard to make a decision. Now, my question is, Should I wait for him to “fix” the problem or should I just leave him (which I don’t want to do because I still love him to death, but if I leave it may mend my broken heart)? – Bus Stop Bandit
Dear Bus Stop Bandit,
I firmly believe that God and the universe gives us everything we need to be happy and whole. With that in mind, you were gifted with the firsthand knowledge that your man was cheating on you. I assume you feel flattered that he picked you in front of the other woman. Don’t. He’s likely running the same game on her in private that he’s telling you, i.e.… he needs time to break it off b/c you can’t handle the split.
The truth is that he could have dated you both with no commitment, but he chose to create pseudo-relationships to ensure your fidelity while he did what pleased. That’s selfish, sneaky and manipulative. Do you think he’d be “ending” the relationship with his neighbor if he wasn’t busted? Furthermore, if you stay with him will you be able to deal with him seeing that woman, or any other, daily without thinking something is brewing.
Regardless of whether you choose to split or stay you must be able to deal with the consequences. Kicking him the curb may mean a few lonely nights and keeping him by your side will likely ensure a few restless ones. I say take a break. Date other men—and not him. Give yourself a few months and if the interest is still there revisit building a strong monogamous relationship with clear terms.
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Tia:
Coming from someone who has been in this very situation, you gave perfect advice. Mine just happened to be a live-in (that I put out the NEXT day). However, there had been red flags, warning signs and burning crosses before I actually caught him out there that I ignored or foolishly tried to rationalize.
Do not walk, babygirl! Run!